No, and…

Sometimes our partners ask us for things that aren't a fit for us. There's a way to say no that is provocative and there's a way to say no that invites partnership. Try saying no, and... Here's how to think about it: My partner really wants a thing, I care about them and want to find a way to help them feel good but what they're asking for doesn't work for me. I want to partner with them to solve this dilemma together. Get curious about what needs and wants your partner is trying to meet. Invite yourself into openness to negotiate and communicate that you care about your spouse. It might go like this: "No, that doesn't feel good to me and I can tell this is super important to you. Tell me more about what your hopes are. I want us to figure this out together."