Practice YOU-turns

Remind yourself that it's OK for you and your partner to be different. To have a different agenda, to have different wants and needs. And that in and of itself is not inherently threatening. Notice when you do take in something your partner says or does that threatens you. Are your boundaries really porous and you let everything in? Or are you really rigid and walled off and find it hard to connect to others? When you get curious about how you are showing up in the relationship you can come out of the blame that we get in when we get defensive and see that you have a part in the dance you guys are stuck in too. Seeing your steps in the dance that's got you stuck gives you the power to shift your response. Relationships are a bit like a bicycle, when you change the direction and speed of one wheel the other one shifts too.