Why Does My Partner Make Hurtful Comments?

We’ve all likely said something hurtful out of anger to someone we love at some point in our lives.  There’s a slew of reasons why we do it, but “because it’s the truth” is only sometimes one of them.  Being on the receiving end of a hurtful comment, the sting can make it hard to respond well.  But if we can pause just enough before responding to check in on our psychological boundaries, then we can filter what’s true and about us from what’s not true and about them.  We can set limits when appropriate.  We can be curious about what this new information—whether true or untrue—tells us about our relationship and our partner.  And because we love them, we can offer them an invitation to connect rather than deepening the divide.

This week, Rebecca, Jules and Vickey discuss the various reasons why someone we love might say something hurtful to us, how we use our healthy psychological and relational boundaries in instances like these, and what implementing boundaries in a meta conversation actually sounds like. (Hint: It’s not “You can’t talk to me like that!)

Share your questions with us here!

If you want to dive in deeper, consider registering for our online Essential Skills Relationship Bootcamp. Open to individuals, couples, and therapists. Learn more at whydoesmypartner.com/events

This podcast is not a substitute for therapy with a licensed provider.