SHUT DOWN MINI-SERIES: Why Does My Partner Shut Down When Big Feelings are Present?

Last week, in this miniseries on shutdowns, we talked about shutting down in the middle of an argument. This week, we’re talking about shutting down from a slightly different angle: When one of us in the relationship is having big, vulnerable feelings. It can feel scary or vulnerable to express a need or emotion we have, even outside of conflict. So, let’s dig deeper.  In this episode, we discuss some differences in why you might shut down when you have big feelings versus why you might shut down when your partner has big feelings, and what these look and feel like internally versus externally. And when our partner shuts down and feels unavailable to us during our big feelings, our brains make up stories about why it's happening.  Curiosity and slowing down are the keys to moving through these moments–because often our stories are just that–the crux of moving past our shutdowns is in examining the stories we make up in our heads when they happen. The stories we make up in our heads about why our partner is shutting down and what happens when our story is proven right.  

That wraps up our shut down mini-series. We'll be back soon with season 3.

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This podcast is not a substitute for therapy with a licensed provider.