For this final episode of our bonus series on boundaries, our listener question is about struggling to say no to physical touch from their partner when they don’t feel like it, and wondering “is there something wrong with me when I want space?”

No, dear listener, there’s nothing wrong with you, and that goes for anyone listening who’s ever felt the same. It’s okay to want space sometimes, it’s okay to express what kind of touch does or doesn’t feel good to you, and more than anything, it’s ok to talk about these things.

So many of us have come from homes and cultures where we were never taught how to say no or have had experiences where we wanted to say no and couldn’t. When that history gets carried into our relationships, it can show up as unspoken feelings, resentment, and shame that gets in the way of having those open conversations that make sure there is real, enthusiastic consent.

Y’all, this episode is jam packed. We’ve got not one but TWO questions from listeners that get us diving straight into you-turns, compassion practices, times out and times in, and so, so much more. Both questions start similarly: “why does my partner push me until I…” but once we scratch the surface, it’s not too long before we discover the real question: “When I feel pushed, why do I end up acting in ways that don’t feel good to me?”

That’s what boundaries are all about, folks. Keep listening for some practical tools that will help you develop the brain space to accept that your partner is not always going to behave in the way you want them to, and that’s just not something you’re going to be able to control. But when you learn to pause and treat yourself with compassion instead of harshness, you’ll start to find the space to make choices that allow you to live up to the version of yourself that you want to be.

This is a really special episode of WDMP to share with you! Our regular listeners know that we don’t shy away from sharing examples of our own relationship work on the show, but today Vickey takes it even further, signing herself up to do some psychological boundary work of her own right here, on air. As you follow along with Vickey, you’ll learn how to discern what really is or isn’t about you in a conflict, as well as how to listen with acceptance, allowing and valuing your partner having their own feelings and process, without feeling threatened or hurt.

These exercises are based on Jules’ new book Setting Boundaries that Stick: How Neurobiology Can Help You Rewire Your Brain to Feel Safe, Connected, and Empowered, available now for pre-order at all major booksellers. We’re also so grateful to Vickey for bravely sharing her process, and of course a HUGE thanks to her husband, Gabe, who also gave his blessing to share this with you, our listeners, even though he wasn’t there to record.

Finally, join us next week when we talk about containing boundaries!

It’s episode 2 of our mini-series on boundaries, and we’ve got a listener question that we think a lot of our listeners are going to relate to. Truth is, boundaries aren’t about getting other people to do what you want. Actually, what they are about is deciding what you’re going to do when something happens that you don’t like, and then sticking to it. In this episode, we continue our discussion of Jules’ 6 steps for boundary setting with some guidance on communicating your needs and wants and how to create your plan for setting an external boundary. If you haven’t already, check out episode 1 on the mini-series to get caught up on our introduction to boundary-setting, and stay tuned for next week’s episode. We’ll be getting into what happens when boundaries are set, and how to deal with all of the feelings that come up, whether you’re the one setting the boundaries or the one having boundaries communicated to you.

Guess what, Jules wrote a book! It’s called Setting Boundaries that Stick: How Neurobiology Can Help You Rewire Your Brain to Feel Safe, Connected, and Empowered, and to celebrate, we’re doing a five-part mini-series all about setting and maintaining boundaries that actually work. In this episode, Jules talks us through her 6 steps for setting external boundaries, or the boundaries that communicate to others what is and is not ok for you, the boundary setter. Join us to hear about why boundary setting is really all about you, not the other person, and stay tuned for more in episode 2, out next week.