Does your partner blame you for a ton of stuff?  Whether you are the blamer or the blame this episode is sure to help. In this one  we help you think through assessing what’s blaming and what’s not. We hope to inspire you to trade in loving firmness for harshness.  Let’s look at how blame hurts the person holding it as well as the person receiving it.  We’ll talk about not taking things personally, boundaries and clarity with love.  By the end of this one you’re gonna want to carry Qtips in your pocket.

What happens when a situation is feeling unfair? What if there are skills and deficits in each of you that are different...what if those differences drive you crazy? We’ll face grief, talk about direct requests and face how hard it can be to live with each other and negotiate shared space. What can we do to embody love towards ourselves and each other even while we face these challenges? We have answers, thoughts and ways to stoke the ambers of your own curiosity in this one.

In this episode we take on the question "Why does my partner get so emotional? Emotions are annoying and they don't serve a purpose anyway." And our answer begins with the science behind why emotions do matter and why they will run your life. Humans are meaning-making creatures and emotions play a vital role in that process. We are feeling beings, the question is: are we conscious of it or not? We nerd out on the fascinating brain science, including how logic and emotion work together to calm the brain. The skills lie in how to best get the logic and emotion to work together.

We love this question from someone wondering about what’s going on inside them when they don't compliment their partner. And we take it as an invitation to explore Us Consciousness: Are you ‘Me focus’ or ‘Us focus’? Do you know if your agenda is connection or protection? It's a knowing that — how you’re doing, how I’m doing, how we are together — are all of equal importance. We also take a look at how compliments are received, what happens if your compliments fall into a black hole, and if withholding the compliment is a retaliation move. We discuss skills to help you shift into Us Consciousness, and why you'd want to.

Let’s talk about touch, intimate touch, fun touch, how we communicate to our partners what touch we enjoy. This is a light and fun episode and yes, we do talk about sex. We’ll get into how to learn about your own and each other's touch preferences, communicating about touch and enthusiastic consent.

In this one, we look at layers of how this might be an issue. We share a few different things that might be coming up for you and we talk about ways to soothe yourself and trust yourself. We all struggle with the stories we create about each other, lets dive in and think about how to radically love ourselves and trust ourselves as we journey into the vulnerability of partnership.

How do we handle differences with our partners? Are we excited by them? Are we drawn to them? Are we repelled by them? We explore the stress we are under, dealing with loneliness and looking at one of the difficult catch 22’s of partnership. We share tools about how to not take things personally and learn to expand our understanding and compassion of each other and our differences.

We talk about over functioning and under functioning in this episode. This is a common dynamic in many partnerships. We tackle invisible work, emotional labor and gender roles. Yes we will weigh in on patriarchy and talk about relational health and power dynamics. Do you know how to function in your relationship in a stance of sharing equal power with your partner? This episode we share ideas about how healthy “power with” thinking is and share ideas about how to create a healthy dynamic with empowering each other in your relationship.

We don’t shy away from the complexity that is human beings in this episode. Buckle in for an extended episode, we’ll dive deep into the science and into what relational skills will work. How can we take in things when they are good? What does compassion have to do with calming my feelings? Can rage really be a bid for connection? We talk about many levels of the subconscious mind and how many ways we can answer this question. We will share practices that will help you develop 2nd consciousness, how to track yourself as a practice and create a space for responsiveness instead of reactivity. How to examine what might be going on in the depths of you and your partner. We can’t wait to dive deep with you on this one.

In this episode, we’ll explore humor, the stories we tell ourselves and how fast those stories lead to reactivity. Do our stories about what’s happening in our love lives help us or cost us or both? Let’s explore how to find our stories, come into relationship with them and be more vulnerable and close with each other. Plus, we’ll cover compassion and why it helps calm us down.

In this episode, we talk about Boundaries and so much more. Do we absorb too much? Or is nothing getting through? If our Boundaries are in place, we’re able to be curious and see the deeper needs under our partner’s behavior. You’ll hear us learn more about each other and model curiosity, rather than defensiveness. And we review one of our favorite skills, moving from Demand to Direct Request…because the simplest answer to this question is that it’s vulnerable to make a direct request.

Why do we say yes when we don’t mean it? Do we know our own answers? Can we be vulnerable and can we allow our partner to be vulnerable? This episode is chock-full of skills: not saying yes when we mean no, making direct requests, not demanding, speaking truth, using psychological boundaries and creating your own boundary images, differentiating between agenda, strategy and needs, allowing for a No. Don’t be fooled, this is not a fully serious episode, in spite of all of those skills. Join us for tons of giggles too.

Defensiveness in relationships is normal and something all of us experience at one time or another. In this episode, we discuss the things that could be behind that defensiveness. Are you communicating with your partner in a way that is coming off judgmental or attacking? Is your partner feeling hurt or scared? We explore the common root of defensiveness and learn healthy ways to navigate our relationships through these moments of discord into greater intimacy.

Can we go deeper with love languages? Your hosts have 3 different views on how helpful love languages are and we discuss it with no holds barred and collaboration. Today we focus on skills that come out of this space: directness, making agreements and meta conversations. These are advanced skills for any couple.

Neuroscience will bring compassion to us all!  Let’s learn what the brain does and what to do in response to the brain doin’ what it does.  We’ll be talking about learning to watch our minds and bodies in real time.  And we’ll be hitting these topics: Relational Health + Compassion + Equal Worth + Right Responsibility- boom!

This is one of the most common questions we get in our offices.  If my partner really knew me wouldn’t they get me? This episode we consider being known, grief, checking our expectations and finding vulnerability.  We’ll be trouble-shooting ways to get met and go deeper with your partner.

In this episode, we’re tackling the question “Why does my partner lie to me?” We look at both sides of the issue: "why might I be lying" and "what might I be creating that leads my partner to lie?" It is always a good idea to look at your own behaviors as well as your partner’s. We also talk about the importance of accountability. And we introduce different stages of a relationship, how to work through the times of disharmony, and why disharmony is actually beneficial and mandatory for a healthy relationship.

This episode uses the question “Why Does My Partner Load the Dishwasher Wrong” to look at how couples handle the differences between them and ways to get curious rather than defensive. We discuss what goes on for us when we respond in unhealthy ways and how to flip our responses into relational health.

Whoo-hoo! This is our inaugural episode of the Why Does My Partner podcast and we are super excited to share it with you. We're sharing the story of how we met, how we've come to work together, how this podcast came to be, and what you can expect in future episodes. We're calling this podcast Why Does My Partner (or Why Doesn't My Partner, it's interchangeable) because these are the questions we hear over and over again in our offices. We believe these questions lead to the GOLD of relational healing and the answers under these questions will bring us deep into the skills at the heart of deeper relational intimacy, greater health, and fulfillment.